forget it, i give up, i love you, goodbye...

the grid

2011-07-17T03:57:00.000-07:00

facebook
deviantART
twitter
tumblr
linkedin
blogger
G+

and a bunch more i cant remember. im very antisocial. when asked about going to any kind of party, my answer is no unless i can be convinced. yet im on all these social sites. its gotten tot he point where i dont even want to talk to people anymore. if i get a phone call, i wonder why the person cant just text/email/message me. which is actually the best way to get a hold of me.

i do love the social network aspect, you can keep people at a distance.

like people care. lol no one reads this shit

the kind of asshole you cant live without

2011-06-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

its a trend in my life. i piss off a friend, they stop talking to me, take me off their social networks... only to come back with an apology.
or i stop talking to them because theyre morons, only to come back with an apology...

whats the deal here people? you know what you signed on for considering most people want to be my friend after they see how i deal with ingrate jackasses.

you wanted me out of your life so bad, you got rid of me. dont apologize, because im not going to listen. my friendship is not a game.

the world has gotten full of itself. its a completely different realm now. they have people telling you what words you cant say. not hey, think about this and be more careful, no. they forbid it and act like youll get your head in a vice if you do.

harden the fuck up.

...

2011-06-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

i should update this because i feel bad i didnt have a blog for my rave days.

snow

2011-02-28T17:14:00.001-08:00

snow in LA? you buggin. got snow capped mountains now though!

harassment and bullying

2010-11-30T15:52:00.000-08:00

exactly what is it? both have a range of definitions. both are being used as hot topics.

seeing how people throw these words around, i really dont think they hold much meaning. especially over the internet. if you can prevent the problem, its not a problem, yet people still throw it around.

growing up, i didnt have people coddling me. the only real word you couldnt drop was the N-bomb. now theres an influx of cowards and people being offended. what happened to dealing with it? i had to put up with shit every day. i didnt get an awareness day or anything! if i wanted shit to stop, i had to make it stop, not cry foul until something gets done.

buncha savages.

vidya games

2010-11-19T02:31:00.001-08:00

fallout new vegas for ps3 (at least my ps3) is a joke. more bugs than an ant farm.

dear rockstar games

2009-12-06T17:23:00.001-08:00

if red dead redemption comes out in april, why are you showing commercials for it NOW??? fucking idiots.

laugh

2009-12-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

sarcasm is a cowardly way to attempt humour.

i heard that on the world strictest parents show from some mom.

no

sarcasm is a way to make your monkey ass laugh. just because you dont have a sense of humour. you fuckin mug. get abused.

dream 113009

2009-11-30T12:28:00.000-08:00

for some reason in my dreams lately there is a back story, like info i knew before the fact.
i was visited by two very tall "government" officials. and i mean TALL. they wore beige trench coats and beige hats and carried brief cases. their faces were blacked out by shadows. i was told to stop what i was doing or they will come for me. me being me i brushed it off.
i was in my room looking at a picture i had drawn, it was an odd picture. it was my style but not my style. very basic. there was a girl and i was standing behind her and death was behind me. but there was a larger version of me standing behind death and what i remember most was how my eyes were drawn. it made me look demonic in a way. i had my headphones on and i was listening to music trying to figure out if i wanted to scan it and put it into deviant art or not. part of the picture was done half assed and i was trying to figure out why. i look up from the picture and the two tall figures are standing in my door way and i shout HOLY SHIT! the one to my right tosses a ball that bounces off the carpet and hits me in the chest knocking me out. he said something as he tossed the ball but i forget what it was. it was a smart ass comment like 'told you so' or something. right when i was knocked out i woke up.
i felt the ball hit me in the chest and knock me out. thats one of the weird things.

camping music

2009-11-13T21:54:00.000-08:00

All Around the World (Long Version)-Lisa Stansfield -All Around the World (Dance Vault Remixes)
Humpin' Around- Bobby Brown -All the Number Ones R&B/Soul
Poison (Remix)- Bell Biv DeVoe -Bell Biv DeVoe: Greatest Hits
She's Dope! (A.K.A. Dope!)- Bell Biv DeVoe -Bell Biv DeVoe: Greatest Hits
Passin' Me By- The Pharcyde -Bizarre Ride II: The Pharcyde
It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day- S.O.U.L. S.Y.S.T.E.M. -The Bodyguard (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)
I Adore Mi Amor- Color Me Badd -C.M.B.
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)- C+C Music Factory -C+C Music Factory: Super Hits
It's No Crime- Babyface -A Collection of His Greatest Hits
Naked Sunday - Stone Temple Pilots -Core
Show Me- The Cover Girls -The Cover Girls: Greatest Hits
Who Is It- Michael Jackson -Dangerous
Cuts You Up- Peter Murphy -Deep
When I Think Of You - Janet Jackson -Design Of A Decade: 1986-1996
Don't Be Cruel- Bobby Brown -Don't Be Cruel
Every Little Step- Bobby Brown -Don't Be Cruel
What's on Your Mind?- Eric B. & Rakim -Don't Sweat the Technique
Gangster- Electronic -Electronic
Get The Message- Electronic -Electronic
Georgy Porgy- Toto -The Essential Toto
Mass Appeal- Gang Starr -Full Clip - A Decade of Gang Starr
Love Is a Battlefield- Pat Benatar -Greatest Hits
Invincible- Pat Benatar -Greatest Hits
Between the Sheets- The Isley Brothers -Greatest Hits, Vo.1
High (Single Mix)- The Cure -High (Single)
I Can't Wait- Nu Shooz -Hit Singles 1980-1988
Summertime- DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince -Homebase
The Things That U Do- DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince -Homebase
This Boy Is Smooth- DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince -Homebase
The Lady In Red- Chris de Burgh -Into the Light
Jungle Love (Live)- Morris Day -It's About Time
Don't Be Afraid- Aaron Hall -Juice Soundtrack
Love Like Blood- Killing Joke -Laugh? I Nearly Bought One!
Summer Madness- Kool & The Gang -Light of Worlds
The Cowboy Song (Studio Version)- Faith No More -Live at Brixton Academy
Even Flow- Pearl Jam -Live At Lollapalooza 2007: Pearl Jam
Sadeness (Pt. 1)- Enigma -Love Sensuality Devotion: The Greatest Hits
Everything She Wants - Wham! -Make It Big
Careless Whisper- Wham! -Make It Big
Revolution- Arrested Development -Malcom X (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture)
Breakin' My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes)- Mint Condition -Meant to Be Mint
Good Pain- Live -Mental Jewelry
Operation Spirit (The Tyranny of Tradition)- Live -Mental Jewelry
Sunglasses At Night- Corey Hart -Monster '80s (Disc 1)
Broken Wings - Mr. Mister -Monster '80s (Disc 1)
Rhythm Of The Night - DeBarge -Motown 1's
Uptown Anthem- Naughty By Nature -Naughty By Nature
King for a Day- XTC -Oranges & Lemons
Some Like It Hot (7 Inch)- The Power Station -The Power Station (Limited Edition)
Stone Cold Gentleman (Rizz's Interlude)- Ralph Tresvant & Bobby Brown -Ralph Tresvant
Regret- New Order -Republic
Everyone Everywhere- New Order -Republic
World- New Order Republic
Rhythm Is a Dancer (Original Mix)- Snap! -Rhythm Is a Dancer 2004 - EP
I Didn't Mean to Turn You On- Robert Palmer -Riptide
Romantic- Karyn White -Ritual of Love
In the Air Tonight- Phil Collins -Serious Hits...Live!
Cry Little Sister (Thou Shalt Not...) Live Performance Version- G TOM MAC -So Alive
Just Another Day- Jon Secada -Solo Lo Mejor 20 Exitos: Jon Secada
Everybody Wants to Rule the World- Tears for Fears -Songs from the Big Chair (Bonus Tracks)
How Soon Is Now?- The Smiths -The Sound of the Smiths (Deluxe Edition)
The Headmaster Ritual- The Smiths -The Sound of the Smiths (Remastered)
Blowing Kisses in the Wind- Paula Abdul -Spellbound
Under the Milky Way - The Church -Starfish
Ain't My Type of Hype- Full Force -Still Standing Pt. 1
Burning Down the House- Talking Heads -Stop Making Sense (Special Edition)
Blue Monday- New Order -Substance [Disc 1]
Plush- Stone Temple Pilots -Thank You
Plush (Acoustic)- Stone Temple Pilots -Thank You
Cities In Dust (Extended Version)- Siouxsie & the Banshees -Tinderbox
The Touch- Stan Bush -Transformers: The Movie (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
Shattered Dreams (12" Extended Mix) [Bonus Track]- Johnny Hates Jazz -Turn Back the Clock (Bonus Track Version)
With or Without You- U2 -U218 Singles (Deluxe Version)
Down With the King- Run-DMC -Ultimate Run Dmc
Out of Touch- Daryl Hall & John Oates -The Very Best of Daryl Hall and John Oates
Every Breath You Take- The Police -The Very Best of Sting & The Police
Roxanne- The Police -The Very Best of Sting & The Police
In a Dream (Original Mix)- Rockell -What Are You Lookin' At?
Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley -Whenever You Need Somebody
Together Forever- Rick Astley -Whenever You Need Somebody
3 A.M. Eternal - The KLF -The White Room
Who Got Da Props (Evil Dee's Deadly Mix)- Black Moon -Who Got da Props / Fuck It Up - EP
Smells Like Teen Spirit (Butch Vig Mix)- Nirvana -With the Lights Out (Box Set)
Shout (US Version)- Tears For Fears -12"/80s [Disc 3]
On Our Own- Bobby Brown -20th Century Masters - The Millennium Collection: The Best of Bobby Brown
Human - Human League -'80s Gold
The Glow- Willie Hutch
Heat Of The Moment- After 7
The Magician (Razormaid! Mix)- Secession
It Feels Good- Tony Toni Tone
Motownphilly (Original Version)- Boyz II Men -Boyz II Men: Legacy - The Greatest Hits Collection
One More Try - Timmy T -Time After Time

time stamp for shit talking

2009-07-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

first things first, thank you for actually spelling my name right. i commend you on that. it is quite unfortunate that i was unable to defend myself while working at lee's but now that i am no longer an employee i feel i need to do so. incase you forgot what you wrote, i have it here:
"Great selection of books, The owner Lee is a super cool and laid back guy. Why is this place only getting 2 stars, because of an employee named "Shaun". In my 14 years of collecting comics, he is the biggest douche bag in giving rude service. Avoid him at all costs." so just a thought... if im a big douche bag in giving rude service... does that mean i dont give rude service? or that im horrible in giving horrible service? do i give rude service so poor that its actually good service?

i find it nice that great folk such as yourself can waltz into a store and expect a kings treatment. and then when you dont get pampered you can go online and start trash talking and hiding behind your monitor. the fact is i was not being rude to you. trust me if i wanted to be rude, YOU WOULD KNOW. if i am guilty of anything it is that i was tired, so if i didnt give you my full attention, i am sorry. i truly am.

but getting online and calling me a douche bag? what are you, 12? sending my boss a lying email trying to get me fired? if i walked into your place of business and you ignored me, i would think nothing of it. now if you just decided to call me an asshole for asking for help... i might say something. if you worded your 'review' better, like say: one of the employees wasnt too nice, so be careful when you go- i wouldnt have this horrible loathing in my stomach. did you ever stop to think that people like you are the reason why people like me exist? yes i may have an attitude from time to time so im sorry if im being human. if i shit in your corn flakes or punched you in the face, then yes, i am a douche bag. the only thing you accomplished is making yourself look stupid.

or maybe you never had to work a hard day in your sad little life? i dont know, i only know you from that brief moment we shared.
do this world a favour and get of that wonderful horse you ride on. you only have one shot in life so make the most of it. maybe go save a whale? or plant a forest?

that being said, good luck in life, and please stop being an insignificant little cunt. go do something constructive with your life than smoke pot, being an assclown and talk down on every store youve walked into. ive had my fair share of poor customer service and i just get on with my life.

-from the ever so gay 'yelp.com' where assclowns and people with nothing else better to do can go cry about how much their lives suck.

mr disco

2009-06-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

How can I ever forget you
You don't know just what I've been through
The holiday we spent together
Lives with me now and forever

I tried but I can't find you
Tell me now what do I do
I tried but I can't find you
Tell me now what do I do

I can't find my piece of mind
Because I need you with me all of the time
I used to think about you night and day
I used to feel what language cannot say
Oh I can't find you
No I can't find my piece of mind without you

Maybe you'd write me a letter
And tell me why I never met you
Our rendezvous just ended in sorrow
Without you there's no tomorrow

I tried but I can't find you
Tell me now what do I do
I tried but I can't find you
Tell me now what do I do

I can't find my piece of mind
Because I need you with me all of the time
I used to think about you night and day
I didn't care what other people would say
Oh I can't find you
No I can't find my piece of mind without you

I can't find my piece of mind
Because I need you with me all of the time
I used to think about you night and day
I used to feel what language cannot say
Oh I can't find you
No I can't find my piece of mind without you

Ibiza, Majorca, and Benidorm too
I've searched all these places but never found you
-New Order

suffer

2009-05-16T22:36:00.001-07:00

so im not entirely sure this is true.

amelia got herself a boyfriend.

because you know she was so torn up about what happened between us.

with her its always too good to be true. and she still keeps messing with my head after its all said and done.
she never cared, thats obvious now.

thanks angel. thanks.

2009-05-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

thinking again.

i spent months forgetting amelia. i remember something. the day her birthday is. i cant remember how old she is though.

about five months past since she sent the email. i had to confer with coleman on what to do or if anything, say to her. he told me i had to face my demons and be nice to her. i couldnt say: why the hell are you bothering with me now? i gave you everything i had and you shat on it, and now you want me to talk to you because you feel some remorse?

but i didnt. i called coleman because he knows me well, and knows i can say some harsh things.
well i faced my demons. and i found myself acting the way i did when we first met. and i cant do that knowing there cant be anything between us.
like a lot of other girls in my life i think, THINK, she just wanted to be with a nice guy for once.
i mean, i was paranoid the whole time together. when we hugged each other goodbye after seeing each other, it NEVER seemed right. there was hesitation. i didnt want to be pessimistic. she was the only one i trusted. and i learned a hard lesson from that.

on closing shes the only one i could ever love. she was perfect. she made me feel like i was some one. and for a short while i got to be something i always wanted. it was the closest to my dreams coming true as it ever could be.

my granddad was very popular. everyone loved him. he had friends everywhere. i see some of my life shadowing his. the only one there when he died was my mother.

when i broke up with erica, it hurt. i did it because i felt she was drifting off. she wanted more than i could give her.
when jenny broke up with me, at the time she was all i had. i was depressed because she was the first girl i had lived with. it wasnt love the last year really. it was just simple. comfortable. she was a bitch and i was glad to be rid of her.
amelia was something different. she was different.

----------------
Listening to: Wham! - Everything She Wants
via FoxyTunes

flashing lights

2009-04-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

so my xbox died like a week ago or something. i got a ps3.
buncha drama with best buy. so whats this bullshit with companies and trying to pull the wool over yer eyes? take best buy. they like to preach about customer service and you cant go a few feet without some lackey asking you if you need anything. well in the mountain view store they do. in five minutes i was asked 7 times. wtf. here in merry ole dublin, they pretty much ignore you unless you ask them something. i was going on about how wonderful best buy is to people cuz you can buy an xbox and get a warranty and if anything is wrong you can exchange it. its fantastic. but they changed it up. once you exchange it yer done. when i first got it i exchanged it like 2 times that year. then they tell you you cant get a new one, they have to send it in and refurbish it. anyways too much drama to write about. so i got a ps3.

but the best bullshit customer service is blockbuster. my last week there, they had a special. rent three movies for 12.99. you save like 3 bucks. heres the kicker: its only for folk who come up with two movies so you have to ask them. if they have three movies, they dont get the deal. this was from the DM. when i was told that, my common sense fairy slapped me in the head. WHY WOULD YOU PUNISH YOUR CUSTOMERS?? but theyve been doing that for YEARS. then they punish their employees and try and come off like theyre such a great place to work. at the interview and yer first day its all candy and roses. then they treat you like shit. i thought safeway was bad...

anyways as some one who worked customer service most of his life, theres very few places that will actually give it to you. customer service doesnt mean listen to the customers gripe. it means going above and beyond the call of duty to make them happy and want to come back. so your business stays in business. so you dont have to hire lawyers to attempt to move funds around to try and keep you treading water. we are fed crap everyday and you all eat it with out knowing.
fight the system.

2009-04-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

so im fired yet again.

im going to be honest. i worked at a store for 8 years, hardly ever breaking a sweat. i work my ass off for a few months at a gay fucking morally demanding shit of a job and i get fired.

what does it matter? blockbuster wont be around. every day i worked at least one person would ask or tell me they were going out of business. shifting money around my ass.

so the reason i got fired: SUPOSEDLY on monday mari, my lying twofaceded twat of a store manager had to clean up after me. she had asked me the night previous to sweep and mop WHICH I DID. now, tell me how after one sweeps and mops theres dust on the floor? and better yet, why didnt she say anything like 'dude wtf happened last night?' nope. she just played it out like oh yeah were friends. shes going to tell me i havent been doing a good job on the store checklist, which almost had me laughing. for a week she checks off that she counted down the safe. when you do that you do it on a tellermate. it spits a receipt out. well there was none. also one night she checked off she had swept and vacuumed. i ask her csr that night if she did and she says no. lying backstabbing manipultive fucking cunt.

so to blockbuster: burn. and take your no good management corporate staff with you. ESPECIALLY the bay area HR department.
go fuck yourself.

a word to the customer: blockbuster will 'telemarket' you for every penny. right now they want you to get your friends and family to join up and you get free rentals. in a sense youre working for blockbuster and not really getting paid. they want you to join their dying company. they lie to their employees, but most importantly, they lie to you. and since these fuckers stopped paying me, i can tell you this.

HEY listen

2009-04-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

no
one
ever
listens
to
me

EVER

so from now on im going to make a scene when im right. you should have listened to me will be my new catch phrase.

save your animosity for some fucker who actually cares.

----------------
Listening to: ghostface killah, napoleon, shing02 - G*A*M*E
via FoxyTunes

gobsmacked

2009-03-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

im thinking that ALL upper management is in a little clique.

i actually got a hold of some one in HR. now please mind you when i put my complaint in, i told them to contact me in the evening.

when i called HR lad, i got his voice mail. and it states he would get back to me in a timely manner. the next day. when i was busy. so i havent heard much for about a week or so. i called today and 5 minutes later i actually get a call. my reason for calling was because of another bullshit write up.

so he wanted to be 'candid' with me by telling me that not getting in touch with him isnt going to help my problem. i apologised and told him it has been pretty hectic lately. this is what he said: "i dont listen to excuses."

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

this assclown doesnt even KNOW what ive been dealing with. what if i was in the hospital? what if a family member died? what if my family was having issues? what if anything? this motherfucker has no idea whats happening and hes making it sound like hes doing me a favour. how about this fucker: DO YOUR JOB. or is your job to help bully me out of my job? not only that i told him i dont feel comfortable talking to the DM and that i dont trust her. but it looks like i have no choice. DOES ANYONE EVER LISTEN???

how about this for "CANDID"

blockbuster is a done deal. youre not gonna have a job after next year. none of you know how to handle subordinates, none of you know how to treat your employees as people. i pray for any company that would hire them to run their company into the ground.

some bridges you cross. some you burn.

fuck blockbuster management!

2009-03-25T14:49:00.001-07:00

so my manager is write up happy.
i was written up because i was unable to finish a closing checklist. i left a note apologising, saying i was sorry and it got busy and she completely ignored it! not only that she insults my intelligence by writing me up, THEN asking me if i needed help! hold on im getting a phone call. hello? oh hi common sense.
but it gets better. as im closing i notice on the cash balance sheet, she didnt count out the safe. AND SHE SIGNED OFF ON IT.
so im on my last leg here. i "fuck up" again and im history.

ive worked with some idiot managers before, but seriously. shes fucked up as much as i have and i know no ones called her on her shit. lying twofaceded wench.

im cashing in my karma points. dear jesus. i hope she gets hit by a meteor.

this is funny though. two customers are going to complain that blockbuster wants to fire me. when i told them, they were fuming. i love some of my customers. they rock.

heres what i think

2009-03-22T00:14:00.000-07:00

we live in a day and age where your myspace is more important than your loved ones. like OMG im not in your top ten friends. im not your friend anymore! we have to twitter everything. 5:47pm- hit the loo after some rancid thai food. get off your cell phone. if i was to be called a racist, i would be racist against stupidity. its a cancer that is destroying humanity. music is religion. quit dry humping your boyfriend or girlfriend in public. PDA is not what i wanted to see today. unless you are two girls, in which case please continue. and it doesnt matter how pretty you are, if you cant hold a conversation or act like a diva, you are ugly. 'im not your boyfriend so i dont have to put up with your shit.' -joe rogan

2009-03-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

granddad died a year ago today.

FUCK BLOCKBUSTER!

2009-03-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

jesus i cant stress this enough!

i got my first write up for not selling rewards cards, when i know everyone else didnt meet their goals! FUCK YOU!

at least they will be filing for bankruptcy soon. dont believe shit they tell you. they wont be here next year. you dont cut hours by a shit load and store funds. blow smoke up some one elses ass keyes.

that goes triple for my dm and sm. go lie to some one whos stupid.

history

2009-02-26T22:07:00.000-08:00

i was thinking.

barack obama is the first black president.

i was expecting some seriously cool things to happen.

when i was a kid i thought of these things. i thought it would be more epic than this. i think it just fell a bit flat... i dont know why. maybe as i get older things just arent that exciting anymore.

youre... FIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEDDDDDD

2009-02-23T23:43:00.000-08:00

i got to listen in to my new store manager and the district manager discussing a few things. they dont know that i know.
i told my manager that they cant write me up for not selling rewards. its unethical. three write ups and i get fired. this leads to hostile work environment. the DM said its performance, so i can get written up. my manager also said i refused to sell which is untrue. they then proceeded to say they need to hire two new shift leads. im one of those shift leads.
so i went in today and told her i want a demotion. she was very good in sugar coating everything.

i have everything written down. the other night i almost made a claim but before i hit the send button, i realized i would be letting my new manager down. then i found out she back stabbed me.

its time to play the game.

2009-02-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

i heard from a little bird that blockbuster is most likely not going to be around next year. this makes me smile.

ive always thought of it as one of the evils of society, yet my monkey ass works there.
these are my top three evil retail corporations:
walmart
starbucks
blockbuster

they thrive on fucking over their employees. but i guess a job is a job in this day and age right?

music part II

2009-02-18T01:05:00.000-08:00

since i got that email from amelia, i have found it difficult to listen to my beloved music. ive found myself listening to it just to have background noise. maybe music is taking a downward turn. i have 49 days worth of music on my itunes...
i did, when i was younger have a fear that when i got older, i would not like the new music and be stuck listening to all my old albums and eventually get sick of it all. maybe im not looking in the right places.
maybe im not motivated.
maybe blockbuster finally got to my soul and took it out.
maybe i finally died inside.

im at my wits end. i get mad when i wake up only because im still breathing.

----------------
Listening to: Apex featuring Ayah - Space Between (Featuring Ayah)
via FoxyTunes

time keeps on slipping

2009-02-02T02:26:00.000-08:00

why do we always hurt the ones we love? how many times can she say shes sorry?
how can you still love some one, but you cant let them back into your life? after all this time can you you really forgive her? can you live the rest of your life without her, knowing youre still madly in love? can you continue to think about her all the time, even though you cant come to tell her? are you truly ready? shes a ghost in the shell. a haunting memory. you hate her too much to love her. but you love her too much to hate her. if stuck is what you say, that is what youve made it. what have i done to deserve this?
burn the back of my retinas. let me go back to sleep.
we both ruined everything. we never should have loved anything. the world has come between us. love will tear us apart.
im sorry too. im sorry i thought i had a chance. im sorry im worthless. im sorry i became me. im sorry i couldnt help you. im sorry i couldnt help myself. im sorry i dont know what to do. im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.

----------------
Listening to: Deltron 3030 - Time Keeps On Slipping
via FoxyTunes

huston this is independence...

2009-01-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

weve just hit bottom.

fallout 3 soundtrack

2009-01-12T20:14:00.000-08:00

more to come as soon as i recover from my 60 dollar itunes bill

not all of these songs are on the actual ost, but im sure if they could the prolly would be. this playlist was a pain in the ass to make.

I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire- The Ink Spots- Fallout 3 Soundtrack

Way Back Home- Bob Crosby- Fallout 3 Soundtrack

Butcher Pete (Part 1)- Roy Brown- Fallout 3 Soundtrack

Rock Around the Clock (Live)- Bill Haley & The Comets- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

The Great Pretender- The Platters- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Wake Up Little Susie (Live)- The Everly Brothers- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Good Golly Miss Molly- Little Richard- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Twilight Time- The Platters- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

All I Have to Do Is Dream (Live)- The Everly Brothers- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Yakety Yak- The Coasters- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

16 Candles- The Crests- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Come Go With Me- The Del-Vikings- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Long Tall Sally- Little Richard- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

There Goes My Baby- The Drifters- Fabulous 50s (Digital Version)

Donna (LP Version)- Ritchie Valens- The Best Of Ritchie Valens

I Only Have Eyes for You- The Flamingos Doo Wop Classics, Vol. 1

Anything Goes- Cole Porter with Vince Giordano & The Nighthawks- It's de Lovely: The Authentic Cole Porter Collection

Mr. Sandman- The Four Aces- The Four Aces: Greatest Hits

Call Me Irresponsible- Bobby Darin- The Legendary Bobby Darin

Everybody Loves Somebody- Dean Martin- Dino - The Essential Dean Martin

Earth Angel (Will You Be Mine)- The Penguins- Best of the Penguins: The Mercury Years

Dream Lover- Bobby Darin- The Ultimate Bobby Darin

Theme from "A Summer Place" (Single Version)- Percy Faith & His Orchestra- Percy Faith's Greatest Hits

music pt 1

2009-01-05T02:28:00.000-08:00

im not sure what it is exactly. i mean i like comedy a lot. i can memorize almost an entire show and spout it back the next day.
but music... i cant pin point it.

i just discovered these kids an hour or so ago. when you watch it it looks so simplistic. i mean they have a fucking drum machine for fuck sakes. but when you close your eyes and listen...

the radio dept.

music can make or break a movie. it can make the movie that much more enjoyable.

my only fear of death is not being able to hear my sweet music. take my sight, take my taste, my touch. anything you want its yours. dont take my music.

ive cried to songs. ive danced with that special girl to a song. shared moments.

ive had religious experiences.

my mind is free to wonder about the air with the smoke and lights.

i remember my first record player and stereo. i remember some of the records. star wars, michael jackson, country bear jamboree... my first real stereo (with out the toggle switches) listening to my cassette tapes, bel biv devo, bobby brown. my first cd player and my first cd, mc hammer- please hammer dont hurt em. my first cure cd, wish. spending all my hard earned money for bootleg cure cds. my first ipod...

music is the only escape. its heaven and no one even knows it.

we are the music makers. and we are the dreamers of dreams.
gene wilder- willy wonka and the chocolate factory

merry christmas, damnit

2008-12-25T11:40:00.000-08:00

youtube doesnt have the gumby christmas special. fail.

marry christmas, dammit!

letters

2008-12-25T01:27:00.000-08:00

its valentines day and the rain comes down on us as we hold each other in the back yard. whats to become of us in the future? ive never felt this way about anyone or anything... she writes to me everyday. its amazing that i get wonderful mail from her. you know its love when two people can bullshit for hours about nothing. shes amazing and shes letting me become a part of her life. she chose me when no one ever did.
yet, nothing ever lasts. you become greedy and want more. that unconditional love turns to rage and jealousy. how can it be love if you hardly ever get to see the one you love? love is just a word. i love you. always and forever. the pet names, the giggles, the little things you share at night... its all a phase. youll forget and well both move on. there is no such thing as happily ever after.
ive kept every letter thats been dropped into my life. ive kept yours in a special place because they are still special to me after all this time. for so long we pour our hearts to paper. ink stains on our hands. youd giggle and id feel like heaven. i could dream about you all day at work. songs on the radio. mix tapes. two people in love.

and now all thats left are remnants of something long forgotten.

perhaps a story for another day...

so fucking true

2008-12-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

hi, im shaun and im a blockbuster employee. i worked there ten years ago and now im back again. im over worked and under paid. my manager is pretty cool though, on the plus side. you would think that things have changed since the days of VHS, but it hasnt. we bust our ass, so you can break our balls when you come in. people have this strange facination with renting. they have to rent. THEY HAVE TO. and when they do, their brain doesnt work. not only do i get shit from upper management, but from the people who shop there who constantly have attitude. they dont want to be there as much as we do so there is double animosity when these brain dead lemmings come to the counter. i repeat myself EVERYDAY. i know the policy so fucking well because i have to tell just about every tardmonkey that comes through the door. i dont have the time to get into the whole member owned video, i cant seem to EVER return my fucking video on time rant.

we had some moron come in yesterday and talk about getting a lawyer over seventeen dollars. and he made a scene over policy. seriously.

i cannot stress the absolute stupidity of customers at blockbuster. seriously. its like theres a pheromone corporate releases into the vents each day to make people just as fucking stupid as them. (my DM wanted our store to "scatter" giftcards all over the counter, creating a fucking mess. customers ask: "lemme guess, kids?" nope. district fucking manager.) this vid, some one who is now my hero, got a dipshit on camera for not having his card or ID (which happens 98% of the time). and the kicker? EVERYONE thinks we can look up by phone number. as far as i know, not in the last ten years. oh, they always, ALWAYS have their hollywood video card. go figure.

and when they get mad, they think they know EVERYTHING. guess what? YOU DONT. go fuck yourself. assclown.

in closing i just want to say: congratulate yourself for failing at life so bad you need to take it out on me. boo hoo the movie you want to watch isnt in. cry me a river because you dont have enough responsibility to take FIVE FUCKING DAYS to watch a movie and return it on time, so you keep it for a month and think its ok to return it. im sorry youre too cheap to rent a $1.99 movie, or actually pay for anything for that matter. im sorry you NEVER have your ID with you, tell it to the cops when they pull you over. give yourself a pat on the back, buy a gun, put it in your mouth, and pull the fucking trigger. do me the favour so i dont do it to myself because of your shenanigans.
thank you and good night.

oh and merry fucking christmas. i asked santa for a heart attack. if that wasnt possible i asked him to bring me the end of the world.
i think all i got was jeans...

Shattered Dreams

2008-12-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

you look out the window. you see birds at the feeder. you see clouds coming in from the bay. you see the sun fade away. you go through all the things youve kept. you get sad songs. you can hear every instrument. you stay up late at night and wonder why. you watch movies that shouldnt make you cry until the sun comes up. you wonder whats left after sitting on your bed for 3 hours staring at the floor. you drink. you sleep. you wonder why anyone would want to be your friend. you try and fill the void with anything you can. you stop caring. you try to forget. you mask sadness with anger. you throw away all your drawings again. you try to write something but your mind is blank. you shut off. you shut down. you dont answer your phone. you dont call anyone. you burn all your bridges. you dont care about anyones problems. you read. you dont set goals. you give up hope. you still dream of those better days. you still think your chance will come.

you still dream.
you still remember.
you lose sight of it all.
you let yourself go.

ive wondered what ive been doing for the last 3 years...

Johnny Hates Jazz- Shattered Dreams

more than this

2008-12-22T21:42:00.000-08:00

everyday that goes by feels like an eternity of crap.
next month would have been 4 years with some one i thought loved me. and after months of thinking, all the things we said, did... its clear that shes not only moved on, but never really cared. she catered to my needs to keep me hopeful. she needed a break from her normal life and i was that escape. when i was no longer needed i was pushed way off to the side.

i thought i had found the perfect girl. i was convinced she existed. i thought nothing could come between two people in love. but like always, i was the only one in love.

like everyone else shes become a cold soulless person. the girl i once knew, so funny, so smart, so cute in everything she did, has become disenchanted with everything.

to the girl who asked me to marry her, to the girl who made me feel like a real person for so long, to the girl who i thought was one in a million, merry christmas. thanks for taking the last best moments of my life, and most of all, thank you for beating me down and making me feel at my lowest during a time i needed you the most.

how the end... always is...

disintegration- the cure

more than this- the cure

chalupa

2008-12-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

so i was a bit amused the other night when i was looking for funny stuff to watch on youtube with my brother. drive by insults is pretty classic. but i found one with a kid yelling at his mom for like a half hour over xbox live for a chalupa. it made me LUL.

back to old sad bastard music and wondering why i NEVER can seem to get a day off. no wonder i turn off my phone...

my new theme song

torture

2008-12-08T03:05:00.000-08:00

i have this sick facination with tormenting myself. i supose the more i do it, the more i will hopefully get my shit together. its not working.

everyday that i wake up brings me one step closer to hitting bottom. one step closer to taking a whole bottle or five of whatever is in the cabinet.
and as christmas draws near, and every day that i have to go to work i prepare myself for the enevitable. theres nothing left for me anymore. ive let myself go.

i cant even get drunk anymore.

step down

2008-11-27T01:06:00.000-08:00

happy thanksgiving. dont know why...
i have two things to be thankful for. jack and shit.
'oh what about your health and your life'
try living the life of a dreamer. absolute fucking bollocks.

5 stars, man, you can do it

2008-11-23T23:26:00.001-08:00

i went to marks to get drunk and play rock band last night. good times.

still... i cant help but hate everything.

currently...

2008-11-21T15:57:00.000-08:00

working a shite job for shite pay at a lame blockbuster where the customers treat you like shit over a policy they AGREED TO. no one ever reads the fine print.
and you cant do a thing about it because they will call and cry and complain until they get their way.
welcome to america. home of the free and the cheap. hopefully tonight i wont tell anyone where they can stick it and i wont have the urge to come home and drink.

im still thinking of the past. the best part is whenever i do i get upset. the bad times out weigh the good which is utterly pathetic.

easy to fly

2008-11-21T15:56:00.000-08:00

so why did i bother when no one read the first one? bored i guess.