thinking again.

i spent months forgetting amelia. i remember something. the day her birthday is. i cant remember how old she is though.

about five months past since she sent the email. i had to confer with coleman on what to do or if anything, say to her. he told me i had to face my demons and be nice to her. i couldnt say: why the hell are you bothering with me now? i gave you everything i had and you shat on it, and now you want me to talk to you because you feel some remorse?

but i didnt. i called coleman because he knows me well, and knows i can say some harsh things.
well i faced my demons. and i found myself acting the way i did when we first met. and i cant do that knowing there cant be anything between us.
like a lot of other girls in my life i think, THINK, she just wanted to be with a nice guy for once.
i mean, i was paranoid the whole time together. when we hugged each other goodbye after seeing each other, it NEVER seemed right. there was hesitation. i didnt want to be pessimistic. she was the only one i trusted. and i learned a hard lesson from that.

on closing shes the only one i could ever love. she was perfect. she made me feel like i was some one. and for a short while i got to be something i always wanted. it was the closest to my dreams coming true as it ever could be.

my granddad was very popular. everyone loved him. he had friends everywhere. i see some of my life shadowing his. the only one there when he died was my mother.

when i broke up with erica, it hurt. i did it because i felt she was drifting off. she wanted more than i could give her.
when jenny broke up with me, at the time she was all i had. i was depressed because she was the first girl i had lived with. it wasnt love the last year really. it was just simple. comfortable. she was a bitch and i was glad to be rid of her.
amelia was something different. she was different.



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Listening to: Wham! - Everything She Wants
via FoxyTunes